Why the most important exam prep move might be the one you don’t make…
Are you bracing yourself for GCSEs — whether they’re just around the corner, a year away, or still a couple of years off?
Welcome to what I like to call the Great Parents’ Endurance Test (GPET?!) — that uphill slog of trying to force your child up and over this seemingly unscalable academic peak.
My advice, as a parent coach who’s seen this many times?
Don’t do it to yourself.
The whole point of GCSEs — in my opinion — is that it’s your child who needs to step up to the challenge. Not you. Not mum or dad, teacher, tutor, mentor, coach, or grandparent.
No one else can climb this mountain for them.
The One Trick That Changes Everything
From a parenting perspective, the trick is simple but not easy:
Gradually hand over the reins of responsibility.
Let your child take more ownership of their own GCSE preparations.
And begin to step back.
There’s only one good route with this beast — and yes, it takes trust on your part.
It’s a leap of faith. You have to relinquish control, drop the bribes, stop the subtle emotional blackmailing, step into the unknown — and see what happens…
What Happens When You Actually Let Go?
For the parent who makes this transition successfully, who truly walks the walk and liberates their child (and themselves) from a pressure-cooker home environment — the prizes are extraordinary.
For you all:
- More family harmony
- Less conflict and coercive stress
- Better sleep, peace, and joy
- A lifetime of connection, rather than power struggles
- A foundation of mutual respect with your teen
And for your child:
- Burgeoning self-leadership and responsibility
- A stronger sense of self-worth and independence
- Real self-knowledge and dignity
- A growing sense of purpose and meaning
- Genuine ownership over their revision process (a skill for life)
If I Had to Choose…
If I had to pick one of two extremes:
- Parents doing everything for their child,
- Or parents doing absolutely nothing…
No contest — I would leap for the latter.
Save yourself the strife. The conflict. The burnout. The pointless family drama.
Because when parents stay in “manager” mode — domineering, pushing, coercing — we totally miss the hidden gold inside our teens: their innate sense of responsibility, even about their GCSE results.
We just don’t get to see it when we’re too busy parenting the life out of the situation.
Teens Want to Be Engaged. Just Not Managed.
Over the past 20 years, I’ve become pretty good at engaging teens.
Not just working with them. Actually being with them in a way that they want to come back, week after week.
And I’ve learned how to reveal their own natural motivation to them and help them act on it.
That’s the secret sauce.
If the student isn’t invested in their own learning, what are we achieving?
- Mere (temporary) compliance?
- Empty grades with no meaning?
- Psychically wounded students?
Not exactly the vision of a fulfilling education, is it?
So What Really Matters?
I want my students to get the best GCSE grades they can with genuine substance behind them.
What does that mean?
It means:
- Self-leadership
- Responsibility
- Dignity
- Purpose
- Real-world readiness
- The inner experience of navigating and owning their own exam journey
The more we push and force, the more we sabotage the very thing we say we want — not just better grades, but a stronger, more capable human being on the other side.
It’s Not All or Nothing
Of course, we don’t need to abandon our kids and hope for the best.
They’ll likely need some support — and we should be there. Completely.
But it’s about them coming to us, not the other way around.
GCSEs are part of them growing up.
Learning how to manage an overwhelming task on their own terms.
Taking on the responsibility they can handle, when they’re ready.
One Last Word
If you’ve got a child in Year 11 starting exams soon — good luck.
And if your child is younger and you want to get ahead of this shift, I’m here for you — as a teen and parent coach — if you want support along the way.
Meantime, I’m off for some family surfing in Cornwall. Have a great weekend.
— Henry
If you’re not already a member of our awesome Young Fire Academy Parent Community Group on Facebook, come join us! Get support from me and other like-minded parents who are on this journey too.
👉 Click here to join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/youngfireparents/
